Getting Back on the Wagon… Again

For the last few years I’ve really wanted to be in shape and be the “fit” girl.  Not just skinny… fit.  This probably comes from the fact that growing up, I never had to workout to maintain my body or even pay attention to it.  I was dancing so often, that I was just in shape without even realizing it.  When I quit I never paid attention to what I was eating or even thought about working out, because it was never something I had to think about.  So in college it caught up with me quickly, it literally felt like it happened over night.  I just woke up one day hating the way I looked and how I felt.  It has since been a battle of self-hate and insecurity.  I am an average girl and there isn’t anything wrong with that… but I want to be healthy and look healthy.

Over the years I’ve gone through phases of really focusing on my eating and working out.  At one point I had a personal trainer and was clean eating.  I lost about 12 lbs and my body was toning up and I was ecstatic.  I felt amazing and my trainer actually nicknamed me “the monster” because I was focused, determined, and serious about my lifestyle.  Then Paul and I got engaged and I fell off the wagon.  I’m what you call a stress-eater and/or emotional eater. It’s hard to describe it, but when I’m stressed I literally crave sweets and terrible for you food.  I lose all self control and will power.  I can’t seem to stop eating.  So after we got engaged, I ruined all the progress I’d been making and went back to my regular weight.   The complete opposite of what happens to most brides to be.

Earlier this year I got back into it and was extremely motivated.  I started Insanity and saw crazy results within the first two weeks.  I was thrilled and loved it.  I did not miss a day of the workouts even though I was traveling like crazy and working two jobs.  I was up at 5am to fit workouts in and working out in hotel rooms.  I even had plans for after I completed the program.  I bought FocusT25 and was going to start right after I finished Insanity and not skip a beat. My hopes of being the “fit” girl were once again in my reach.  Then I stopped 57 days into the 63 day program… Seriously?  What a quitter. The last month of the program I was in serious pain from my knees and the workouts were killing me – not because I couldn’t do them.  I was actually really proud of the strength I gained during that program, but because EVERY movement killed my knees.  Afterwards, I would limp around and my knees constantly ached.  So for the last two months I’ve eaten everything in sight and not worked out.  I again ruined all my progress that I made.

It seems like the 2 month mark is my downfall. I rock it out for about 2 months and I get excited and proud of myself and then I become my own worst enemy and ruin it.   So Paul and I decided to do it together this time.  We will eat healthy.  We will work out. We will support each other… and say no to each other when we ask for our usual cravings of brownies, blizzards, and donuts. (I never liked brownies – I blame Paul for that. He never liked sweets – He blames me for that… we’re even!) I started T25 and he’s back in the gym.  We are also taking walks each night with our dogs, because they need the exercise too.   We will go on runs together and maybe one day I can convince him to do stadiums with me.  Our meals will consist of lean protein, veggies and fruits.  Clean eating at it’s finest.

So we are back on the wagon, and hopefully this time we won’t fall off.  This time I’m going to make it past 2 months. Wish us luck!

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